Out Of Mind
by Kateri
Summary: sorta elfy little thing that popped into my head and I thought I'd give it a go. Lemme know what you think PLEASE!


Out of Mind  
by Kateri Marie  
Dis: Don't own it, even if I wish I did   
Hope you like this little whatever it is. PLEASEEEEEEEEE review!!!!!  
  
  
O'Neil's PAL unit chirped cheerfully at the communications officer as he zipped through a line of translation. Distractedly, he reached up a hand to acknowledge the signal, "O'Neill here."   
"It's Lucas." A young voice answered busily. "I need you to shut down all communications and sensors in Science lab 1."   
Tim blinked, his still typing hand pausing on the keyboard, "What on earth for?"  
"I'm about to try an experiment and the signals will interfere with the data."  
O'Neill nodded to himself and flipped a few switches while typing furiously. "There. All you have to do is turn off your PAL and you'll have a dead zone. Don't forget we leave ship out tomorrow; so whatever you're doing have it done by then."  
"Thanks Tim! I'll be ready." Lucas said, though it was obvious his attention had returned to his experiment.   
Tim chuckled before returning to his work, wondering briefly what Lucas was up to now.  
  
  
Back in the lab, Lucas activated his PAL once more, "Captain, I'm running that laser fission experiment now. If you want to come down in about two hours, I'll have some data for you."  
Nathan Bridger's smile could be heard in his voice when he responded, "Sure thing, kiddo. I'll see you in two hours. And don't forget our chess game tonight."  
Lucas grinned even though he knew the Captain couldn't see him, "Why? In a hurry to lose again?"  
He could almost see Bridger's mock glare as the Captain growled; "Just you wait."  
Almost tauntingly, Lucas called back, "See you later, Captain." Still grinning, the teenager deactivated the PAL entirely, setting it off to the side.  
Swirling the chair around like a ride, he glanced over his hodge-podge of monitors and equipment before him with relish. Cracking his knuckles absentmindedly, Lucas' thoughts wondered briefly at how different things were upon seaQuest. Captain Bridger seemed to honestly enjoy having him around, spending time with him and everything. So different from his own father who managed to haunt his dreams nightly even on this safe haven. Every once in a while he could still feel the fingers wrapped around his throat, the smack of fist against flesh...  
Lucas shook his head suddenly, forcing the memories back down. He refused to think of that. He was safe on seaQuest. He wanted to trust these people, was learning to trust them. And he had work to do.  
Ten minutes later he was ready to go. Rapidly, Lucas ran the calculations in his head one final time - he didn't want to screw up while playing with high intensity lasers. But the calculations came out fine and he grinned for a moment before flipping the switch. The lasers whirled to life and the blue beams split the air with a scalpel's silent precision. Eager blue eyes watched the beams bounce off of the carefully constructed receivers, each one doubling it's strength while sharpening it's point. The four beams finally converged in the center, forming first a pinnacle and then a column. The specially designed sensors around it confirmed the miracle: hard light.  
Data streamed into Lucas' computer, making him gasp with delight as black numbers scrolled before his eyes. So embroiled was he in the flood of incoming data, that he failed to notice a tiny wisp of smoke wafting from the second laser. It would be the only warning he would get.  
  
  
Bridger made his way through seaQuest's corridors with a purposeful step, stopping every once in a while to marvel at the wonder that was HIS ship. First his dream, then his vision, and now his reality. He still hadn't gotten over the wonder of it. His easy grin widened a bit, creasing his face comfortably as he neared the Science Labs. Just like seaQuest, Lucas was another thing he hadn't expected. The cocksure genius had grown on him and he'd found himself afraid at first that he wasn't superimposing Lucas onto his dead son. But he could still differentiate between the two. Lucas had brought him back to life after the loss of his wife and son. It was a relationship based on shared pain and unique for that, as unique as Lucas himself was. Lucas had gone a long way towards healing Bridger's heart - he only hoped he'd done halfway as much for Lucas. He'd been waiting so patiently for Lucas to open up to him, and it was starting to happen, slowly. He could be a patient man when he had to be.  
All these thoughts fled his head when Nathan's hand touched the lab door. The metal was hot - really hot. Jerking, Bridger moved to the side and yanked the release catch. The door slid open and the wave of heat that it released almost bowled him over.  
Ducking from the intense heat, Bridger felt his heart leap into his throat as he looked at the inferno inside the lab. "Lucas." The name stuck in his throat and he had to try again to even hear himself over the noise of the blaze, "Lucas!" Then he spied a pair of ragged yellow sneakers, the soles half melted already from the heat. "LUCAS!" Nathan shouted as he stumbled into the furnace, hitting the PAL with one hand and shielding his eyes with the other. "Get a fire crew and a med. team to science lab 1! NOW!" He didn't spare time for the details but hunkered low to the ground feeling the heat snake his skin as he went.   
From the well-blackened destruction he passed, Nathan surmised the fire had been burning for some time, maybe even since he'd talked to Lucas last. Bridger shook his head, pushing that horrifying thought away as he closed the last distance between himself and the boy. His stomach rolled as he took in the massive amounts of blood shrouding Lucas' still form, the proteins in the blood already starting to rot in the heat. It was so extensive that Nathan couldn't tell where he was injured, though he knew from the sheer amount of blood loss that it wasn't good.  
He moved to lift Lucas but something above them groaned and snapped. On instinct, Bridger flung his body over Lucas' just in time to feel something slam into his head, spiraling him instantly into oblivion.  
  
  
Lucas remembered vaguely reading something where the first thing a person realized was pain. But his pain had never left. It had held him even in unconsciousness, an old friend with all the intimate familiarity of a lover. For a moment it seemed as if he was waking from a wondrous dream, only to find himself back where he'd started. But he could feel the harsh cold of reality pressing against the dark of his eyes, with hard biting light behind it.   
And that thought brought back the memories... the lab... the fusion experiment... hard light... the explosion... He hadn't been dreaming. A muffled moan eked from his lips as he thought about the lost experiment and old doubts surfaced in his mind. You can't do anything right. You're worthless. All you do is make a mess...  
"Lucas?" The gentle voice drifted down to him as a cool hand brushed over his forehead.  
Slowly his eyes obeyed his command to open; though it felt like he was lifting lids of lead. He winced and moaned slightly as the light pierced his sight and almost instantly the light above him dimmed. When the spots left his sight, he could see the concerned visage of Dr. Kristen Westphalen hovering above him.  
"Doc?" He croaked, his brow wrinkling slightly.  
Kristen sighed in relief and her face broke into a smile, "Thank God. You gave me quite a scare there young man."  
Lucas blinked a few times and tried to move, almost reassured by the pain that followed. "What's the damage?" He managed to mumble.  
"Well you're going to have a lovely scar on your left side when you're healed. Smoke inhalation and more than a few first and second degree burns... You'll be staying in med. bay for a week or so. But considering that explosion you're lucky to be alive." As she spoke, her experienced hands ran through his vitals with practiced ease. "You lost a lot of blood. Far far too much, so don't be making any quick movements or getting ambitious on me."   
Fuzzy memories hazed through Lucas' brain - the heavy cloying smell of smoke, the heat on his skin, stinging in his eyes... Another vague memory drifted to him - the memory of a voice... calling his name. "The... captain?" He asked, looking up at Kristen with suddenly horrified eyes.  
For a moment, Kristen wouldn't meet his eyes, but then she raised her head and nodded to another bed in the room, "He went in to try and get you out. Managed to get himself clonked on the head somehow."   
Lucas turned his head to the side to see the Captain laid out in a bed, his skin tinged red from the fire and an IV dripping steadily into his veins. "Will... will he be all right?"  
Kristen nodded. "He'll have a hell of a headache, and be sore as blazes... but he'll be all right. I put him in here with you cause I know the two of you would be acting stupid if I didn't. I know better." She smiled at Lucas and winked.  
Lucas blushed just slightly but he knew she was right. At least on his part. If he had known the Captain was hurt he'd get out of the med. bed no matter how much it hurt to go see him. He glanced back over at the sleeping Captain and clear blue eyes noted the machine dripping into the IV. "Pain medication?"  
Again Kristen nodded, "I refuse to listen to him complain. I have enough to do as it is." But she was still smiling and Lucas found himself offering a tentative smile in return.  
The smile fell though a moment later and his blue eyes took on a shadow, "Am I... in trouble?" A tremor of fear hid behind his voice.  
Kristen looked confused for a moment but laid a gentle hand on Lucas' shoulder. The boy flinched slightly but settled when she spoke, "Of course not. They examined the lab and there was a circuit malfunction in one of the lasers. It wasn't your fault at all."  
Lucas thought about that for a moment but the shadow didn't leave his eyes, "Am I going to be punished?"  
Kristen stared at him for a moment before deciding it must be the medication making his comprehension fuzzy. "Lucas, love, it's not your fault. You aren't going to be punished. You just get well, okay? Now go to sleep."  
Her words reassured him and he felt weariness steal over him like a blanket. He was very very tired. "S'ok." He murmured before his eyes would stay open no longer.  
  
  
When Lucas awoke later, med. bay was dark, all the lights dimmed for the 'night' shift. He blinked fuzzily for a while before his eyes adjusted to the dim lights inside the room. It took him a moment to realize what had awakened him but then he looked over to his roommate.  
The Captain was struggling in the bed, his arms and legs twisting in the sheets covering him. His eyes were squeezed shut and faint murmurs of protest reached Lucas' ears as he realized what was going on: the Captain was having another nightmare.   
Gingerly, Lucas climbed out of the bed, trying to be careful of his side but ignoring the searing pain that followed. He had experience with pain; he could deal with pain. Haltingly, he made his way over to the Captain's bed, determined to help his Captain and his friend.   
"Captain." He croaked out, his lungs still protesting the abuse of the smoke. He reached out a hand as the Captain's struggles got worse and the room spun slightly around him, "Captain, it's Lucas. It's all right."  
Nathan shook his head, his steel hair splaying against the pillow. His mouth moved faster in continuous murmur and Lucas leaned closer to hear the words still repeating slowly, "Captain, it's Lucas. You're in med. bay."   
Bridger's thrashing became worse, and his head was whiplashing back and forth in the bed and Lucas no longer had to strain to hear the words - they slammed into him with the force of bullets. "No, no, no, no. Lucas! Get away! Get away!" Nathan was shouting now, his arms and legs flailing in the air.  
Lucas tried to shake him, to make him wake up, but one of Nathan's hands flew his way and Lucas was flung back to his own bed by the force of the blow. The sound of the crash brought the med. tech on duty running into the room to the Captain's bed.  
Dimly, Lucas saw them injecting the Captain with a sedative but his own head spun. The Captain had hit him. Shouted for him to go away. It was incomprehensible, like escaping from a nightmare only to have it follow you into the day. He heard, as if from a distance, the med. tech ask if he was all right and he knew that he nodded even though he didn't hear the words. The blood rushing in his ears made it impossible to hear anything other than the sudden pounding of his heart.  
He felt hands help him back into bed and then he was alone again. But shadows loomed on the wall or in his mind, he didn't know which. His head spun and his cheek ached desperately where the Captain's hand had landed. Lucas could feel his world shattering around him again like it had so many times. He couldn't stay. He had to get out, to get away.   
Struggling off the bed, he stumbled to the floor. It took him a moment to get over the sheer waves of vertigo that washed over him as he lay crumpled on the floor. When he finally made it to his feet, the pain had faded in his mind; all he could feel was the intense desire to get away. He couldn't do this again. He couldn't survive it again. Not after he'd thought he was safe.   
Lucas staggered out the door to the room - his arm clutched to his burning side, and somehow by some miracle made it out of med. bay unseen. But where to go? If he stayed... If he stayed it would happen again. It always happened again. The blood loss made him weak and made the world tilt crazily on his axis. His shoulder slammed into the bulkhead and he leaned upon the cool metal letting it be his guide as he propelled himself against it. When he was conscious of his surroundings again he found himself on C-deck, just outside the doors.   
His hand flopped unwillingly onto the code pad, fingers punching in the numbers. As he lurched through the open doors, Lucas missed the streak of blood he left on the pad. Twenty minutes later, he'd managed to cycle through the lock and make his way out onto the dock. The air was cold and wind slapped against his face as he made his way over the uneven dock. The only thing he was conscious of was the pain, the pain and the burning drive to get away before more could be added.   
But Lucas couldn't fight the weakness much longer. He was weak just like his parents had told him for so long. When he fell behind a stack of boxes, he knew he wouldn't be able to get up. And when the blackness edged into his vision he almost sobbed in welcome. In the end, the relief the blackness offered was too strong for him to resist.  
  
  
"Ugh." Nathan Bridger moaned as he woke to a pounding in his head that rivaled the 1812 Overture. "What.... Lucas!" He jerked upward only to find hands on his chest, holding him down. Blue eyes opened and then widened, "Kristen? Where's Lucas?"  
Kristen gave him a rueful smile, "I believe one of my assistant's gave him leave to return to his quarters last night. He certainly wasn't getting any rest here."  
Nathan searched her face seriously, "But he was all right?"  
Kristen nodded, "Yes, he will be. A nasty gash in his side and he lost quite a bit of blood but that's why I decided to let him sleep a little bit before dragging him back here. It's only been an hour since I discovered about your night. But I just sent Nicholas to go get him."  
A wry grin spread over Nathan's face as he chuckled, "Let him think he's safe and then go drag him back eh? You're cruel, Kristen. Cruel."  
Mock-affronted, Kristen opened her mouth to reply with sparkling eyes, but the med. tech ran into the room cutting her off with a squeak. "Lucas is gone." The technician panted.   
Instantly all traces of humor dropped from the room. "What do you mean he's gone?" Nathan demanded as he forced his aching body to sit up.  
"I went to his quarters, but he wasn't there. Chief Crocker opened the door for me but there's no sign of him."   
Kristen blanched and Nathan tried to swing his legs off the bed but she pressed him back into bed. "Not a chance, Nathan. You're not going anywhere."  
One look in her face and Nathan knew the battle was already lost, for now. So he turned his gaze back to Nicholas. "When did you see him last?"  
Nicholas blinked under the strength of those blue eyes and swallowed hard. "Uh... This morning. After your nightmare. I helped him back into bed and made sure he wasn't badly hurt."  
"Hurt?" Bridger repeated, his brow furrowing deeply. "I don't understand. He was already hurt. You knew that. And why would he need help back into bed?"  
Nicholas backed up slightly under the steel in that voice and his eyes darted to Dr. Westphalen's before returning to the indomitable Captain. "Um. Your nightmare, sir. He tried to wake you. But I guess since you were shouting so loud, and thrashing..."  
Nathan paled. "I hit him?" He didn't need to see Nicholas' nod of confirmation; "Did I hurt him?"  
Quickly, Nicholas shook his head, "Not badly sir. Just a bruise, maybe a black eye. Nothing too serious. He was just a little shaken; you were shouting for him to get away."  
The Captain brought a shaky hand up to rub across his face, "I think I remember now... I was dreaming about the lab... the fire... And I kept seeing Lucas there, in danger. I was trying to get him out... to get out of the fire."   
Kristen shook slightly as she took all this in. In her mind, she calculated how much blood Lucas had lost and the effect that would have... combined with Lucas' hypersensitivity... Oh God... "He ran..." She whispered.  
"Why would he..." Nathan started before realization crashed in. "He couldn't have thought I meant it... He..."  
Kristen closed her eyes against the sudden pain in her chest, "He'd lost a lot of blood, Nathan. And was probably in a lot of pain. Hell, he was in an explosion. That doesn't leave for the clearest thinking. Oh God..."  
Nathan's lips pressed together for a moment before he reached for Kristen's PAL unit. "Commander Ford." He waited long enough to hear Jonathan's acknowledgement. "Lucas is missing. We think he's onshore and injured. Assemble a security team. I'll meet them at the bay doors. Bridger out." He let go of her PAL and forced his legs to the side of the bed.  
Kristen's eyes flashed, "Now you wait one minute, Nathan Bridger."  
"Don't." Nathan cut her off with one curt word. "I WILL find him. And I'm not staying here while he's out there..."He took a deep painful breath and looked up at her with strained eyes, "He needs help."  
She couldn't say no to those eyes. "Fine. But I'm coming with you."  
  
  
The eyes of the entire security team had bulged when they saw the thick bandage on their Captain's head and the circles beneath his eyes but to a man they said nothing. They all knew it was useless.   
Nathan took the spare PAL unit that Crocker held and nodded his thanks before turning to the five man team. Lt.'s Kreig and O'Neill stared back at him as well at Lt. Commander Hitchcock and Ortiz. Lucas' friends had heard the summons and were there to find him. "Okay people, we know Lucas disappeared early this morning. We know he's injured and possibly more than a little out of it." He took a deep breath. "We have to find him." He looked in each of their eyes and knew they were as determined as he. Bridger nodded his approval. "Let's get going."  
  
  
When someone turned to open the hatch they noticed the dried blood, already crusted onto the keys. Seven pairs of eyes glued onto the keypad for a long moment, Nathan's fingers drifted over the blood and his stomach clenched as the door opened. "Find him." He breathed through clenched teeth, his eyes swirling with pain as he looked at the others. "Find him."  
  
  
"Captain!" Ben Krieg's voice echoed across the docks.  
Bridger's eyes jerked around the area until he spotted the dark haired Lt., waving at him from a stack of boxes.   
"I found him!" Then the dark jumpsuit disappeared as the Lt. knelt.   
Ben reached out a hand to turn Lucas over and gasped at the sheer pallor of the boy's face. "Lucas." He murmured, dismay coloring his voice. But the boy didn't respond and he felt fear flutter in his chest as he saw the blood streaking the boy's side and arm. "Dr.!" He shouted, his gaze flickering up before returning to the boy, his hand going immediately to put pressure over the wound in his side.  
Then both the Doctor and the Captain were at his side, worry creasing both their faces. Kreig sighed in relief as Kristen took over, her eyes assessing the boy in seconds. "Lt. Kreig, can you carry him? We need to get him back in the ship."  
Bridger moved forward as if to do it himself, but Kristen held out a hand and glared at him slightly, "No. You have a serious concussion. Don't argue with me." She added as Nathan opened his mouth to protest. "You could injure him more and I won't allow it."  
Nathan's mouth snapped shut and he stood back to allow Krieg to lift the precious burden. One clipped shout and the searchers started to move back to the ship hurriedly, following the trio already moving rapidly into the lock.   
  
  
"Nathan," The voice was surprisingly gentle as it reached into the outer room. "He'll be fine."  
Bridger heaved a huge sigh and his head bowed for a moment as he recovered his runaway emotions. "His side?" He managed to ask, his voice tightly controlled and thick with surpressed feelings.  
Kristen's face became shadowed and her eyes wouldn't meet the steel blue ones in front of her for a long moment. Then she mustered herself and met the Captain's gaze steadily, "It'll be fine; he'll have a good scar. I pumped him full of antibiotics in case of infection; should be fine. But..." She paused, not knowing how to tell him.  
Concern furrowed Nathan's brow as he laid a hand on her arm. "What is it, Kris?"  
Kristen drug in a huge breath of air, "The scar... it's nothing new to him."  
Confusion was added to the concern in the blue eyes watching her intently. "You're not making any sense Kris."  
Lips pursed and tightened for a moment before she exhaled deeply. "There are scars... so many of them... all over... everything. His legs... his arms... his chest... Nathan I've never seen so many scars on a child..." Her very voice shuddered. "I never saw them before... maybe I didn't want to see them. Or maybe he just hid them too well..." Her voice choked itself off as Nathan stared at her in horror.   
The Captain's mouth opened and worked for a moment but nothing came out, not a sound. And then he was moving, moving past her, into the room before he even realized he'd moved, and by Lucas' side before she could protest. Strong hands shaking only slightly pulled at the sheet covering the adolescent's torso, peeling it back to the waist.   
The gasp that fled his lips sounded dully in his ears as his eyes flickered shocked over the sight. Lucas' skin was paler than the sheets he laid upon and against such pallor Bridger could see every mottled scar that marred the young skin. Distinct patterns stood out, raised forms; he could see the rough texture of small burns... the smooth lacerations... His stomach twisted and turned as realization and recognition crashed into him. He felt his knees shake and sat down, hard, in the chair beside the bed before they could give out on him. My God...His thoughts would go no farther.  
"I didn't want to believe it." Kristen's voice came shakily to his ears. "I still don't want to believe it. But... there's only one way..." Her voice faded out and he could almost hear her shake her head and leave the room, giving him time to absorb.  
But how did one absorb information like that?  
  
  
Hours had passed, Nathan had no clue how many, when he felt the still form beneath his hand shift just slightly. Instantly he was up, leaning over and trying to discern any signs of life with no small amount of concern darkening his face. "Lucas? Lucas?" He winced anew at the sight of the damage he'd wrought on the boy but refused to give into that emotion yet. He had to help Lucas first, make sure he was all right.  
The young brow moved just slightly, creating the shadow of a furrow. Nathan squeezed Lucas' hand firmly, trying to support him, and the anxiousness bled through to his voice as he spoke, "Come on kiddo. Open your eyes. Please. Just open your eyes for me."  
The eyelids twitched once or twice in the bruised face, evidence of movement beneath and Bridger held his breath as they flickered open. Two small blue slits shone out, one slightly lagging in the midst of the monstrous bruise on the left side of Lucas' face. The blue eyes looked around dazedly, confusion and weariness showing in their depths. Then they landed on the Captain and suddenly Lucas jerked back. His tired and battered body wasn't up for much movement but still Lucas pushed against the covers, trying to move back into some non-existent safety.   
Nathan's heart dropped to his feet, pain flooding his visage as he caught the fear in the boy's eyes and saw the feeble efforts of escape. He held tightly to Lucas' hand and spoke as gently as he possible could. "Kiddo, please. Lucas, I'm not going to hurt you. I was dreaming before. It was a nightmare. I was trying to warn you away from the fire. I give you my word it won't happen again."  
Lucas shook his head emphatically, though the movement sent his view spinning and set off alarms of protest in his half conscious brain. "He promised too. He always promised. But it kept happening." The words were turning into sobs. "It kept happening." Lucas' shoulders seemed to cave in on him, and he took great gasps of air that had to hurt his smoke burned lungs, "I... I can't do it again. I can't... and you... you told me to go away. Why won't you let me go away? I don't want to leave but I can't do that again. I can't!"  
The mangled cries tore Nathan's heart to shreds and when he saw the tears start to drip down Lucas' cheeks he thought for a dim moment he would pass out from the pain. To hear the words... to have such a horrible suspicion confirmed... and worse, to hear that Lucas was afraid of him... it was knowledge too horrible to be born. It was like a lead weight, driving him down.   
But Lucas was still crying, struggling futilely in the sheets, and that was unacceptable. Nathan settled himself on one corner of the bed, reaching out for the boy with slow steady movements. Lucas was too far out of it now to see but he flinched when the Captain's hands enveloped his shoulders. He struggled as the Captain drew him in but when he felt the warm hold of arms around him, his bewildered mind managed to comprehend that the Captain wasn't hurting him, he was hugging him. Tightly, as if the man never intended to let him go. It was warm and it was comfortable, and despite what had happened some dim part of Lucas' mind told him it was safe.   
But his face still throbbed with pain and he could still feel the crash as the Captain's fist flailed into him. Even after Lucas fell back asleep again, it took a long time for the shudders to disappear.  
And Nathan just sat there, holding on, praying to any god he knew of that this boy would be all right, that he hadn't damaged their relationship irreparably, while tears of his own trickled down his face.  
  
  
The humming in the air ceased suddenly as the lasers cut out and silence fell abruptly. Lucas smiled to himself as he glanced over the recorded data. His laser fission experiment had improved greatly in the past month since the disaster, holding the hard light as long as three seconds now.   
A soft applause sounded behind him and Lucas jumped at the unexpected sound before whirling around quickly.   
Nathan winced as he saw Lucas jump but plastered a smile on his face anyway. "Impressive." He commented, his tone light and friendly.  
Lucas nodded in acknowledgement but there was a wary shadow to his eyes and he took only a single careful step towards the Captain, "Yes, sir. Three seconds this time."  
But his words were halting and each one rubbed raw on Nathan's heart. He sighed and reached out a hand... but Lucas flinched again and he drew it back, closing his eyes for a moment in pain. "Very good Lucas. Well done." The words were sincere despite the pain that lay behind them and Bridger left before Lucas could say anything more.  
  
  
From the doorway, Kristen flinched, her own eyes sparking with a slight pain. It had been that way for a month, ever since Lucas had awoken. Nathan would reach out, would try, and so would Lucas, she could see that he was trying, but something vital between them had been broken and Lucas would flinch away, fear in his eyes once more. The bruises had faded but the memory... and more importantly the instinct remained.  
She pushed herself off the door once the Captain had left and made her way slowly over to the boy. "Lucas, you know..." Her voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.  
Lucas looked over to her, his eyes wide with pain, past and present. The shadows in his eyes were thick and the pain he felt at hurting the Captain very present. But there was something else in his eyes, a determination shrouded by pain, built on blood and tears that had long since dried up.   
Kristen flinched at the look in those eyes and inhaled deeply. "He's been trying Lucas. So hard. He's all but handed the bridge to Commander Ford on a platter because he's spending so much time in the wardroom clearing through mountains of red tape to keep you away from your parents forever. He's working so hard to keep you safe..." Her eyes pursed as she looked over Lucas, concern flooding her gaze, "He cares for you so much Lucas. Please..." But she didn't know what she wanted to ask.   
Lucas' eyes widened as he took in her words and then the brilliant gaze shuttered in confusion and his arms came up almost instinctively to hug himself. "Thank you." He managed to whisper as he left the room, his thoughts drawing around himself like a shroud.  
Kristen watched as Lucas left, turning the same way Nathan had and she felt a tiny kernel of hope. "Please, Lucas... let him help you."  
  
  
Lucas paused outside of the corridor. He wasn't sure why he was doing this... every adult he'd ever trusted had betrayed him. But something... Something told him that maybe, maybe the Captain wasn't... Maybe Kristen was right. He couldn't stop his heart from hoping, no matter how many times he'd been burned before. And he wanted to believe. He wanted it so badly.  
The door to the wardroom slid open soundlessly and Lucas was through before the occupant even noticed it opened. Letting the shadows in the back of the room hide him, Lucas watched with curiosity as the Captain paced in front of him, Admiral Noyce's face on the viewscreen.   
"Dammit, Bill! You have to do this." Nathan growled, his hands clenching on the back of a chair. "He can't..." Nathan took a shuddering breath to control his fury. "He can't go back there, Bill. Ever. I won't allow it." The steel in his voice rang unmistakably throughout the room.  
On the screen, Admiral Bill Noyce looked mildly shocked at Bridger's vehemence but the shock slowly subsided into resignation. "Who do you want me to put for temporary custody?"  
Nathan flinched, his hands spasming on the chair briefly, before he sighed. "Kristen Westphlen."  
"The doctor?" Forget mild shock; all out shock was openly displayed on the Admiral's face at Nathan's words. "But I thought... I mean the way you've been badgering me about this..."  
Pain was easy to mark in Bridger's blue eyes as he turned them to the screen, raking a hand through grey hair. "I want... God knows I love him Bill. I swear I couldn't if he'd been mine and Carol's... But..." The Captain's voice broke for a moment and he struggled for his phenomenal control. "He can't trust me. He can't and I don't blame him. I hit him Bill." He saw the Admiral's mouth open in protest, "The circumstance doesn't matter. I hit him." Nathan's stomach clenched visibly at the thought, his rib cage shuddering under the weight. "And he can't trust me... I wont' make him depend on someone he doesn't trust. Not like that. I won't... force him like that. He deserves someone he can trust. Gods, he deserves a million things and I don't think he'll let me give him any of them... Even if I want to." He closed his eyes, making the weariness on his face stand out drastically. "Just do it, Bill. Please."  
Noyce sucked in a breath at the look on Nathan's face. He'd known the man for ages, an impeachable and unflappable captain, and he'd never seen him look so... crushed. "All right, Nathan. I'll set it up so Doctor Westphalen will have the temporary custody. Then we'll figure out where to go from there."  
Nathan had opened his mouth to reply when Lucas stepped forward. "That won't be necessary, Admiral." His voice was a bit soft and no where near his normal brash tones but it carried throughout the room instantly.   
Whirling around in shock, Bridger's mouth stayed open, whatever he'd been about to say caught in his throat as Lucas moved closer to him.  
Lucas looked steadily at the Captain and then turned blue eyes on Noyce. "If... if he hasn't changed his mind..." Lucas darted a glance back at Nathan and bit the inside of his cheek briefly, "I'd... I'd rather you change it to Captain Bridger." A sudden shyness seemed to overcome him and he ducked his gaze, "If you don't mind, sir."  
Something warm grew in Nathan's chest, pushing out the dread that'd been there far too long. "It would be my pleasure, kiddo." He said, sincerity throbbing in his voice. "I just don't want to make you... uncomfortable?" The slight unease still tingeing his voice turned it into a question.  
Lucas sighed heavily and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "I can't... I can't promise I won't jump sometimes. And I... I can't promise I won't flinch sometimes. I learned those... reactions well." Some shield in those blue eyes dropped for a minute and Nathan felt his heart twist in his chest at the pain that swamped them. "It's harder to unlearn them. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know... Or part of me knows. The rest will come. But I can try?" The words were lifted like an offering and Bridger could feel the immensity of what was offered even if Lucas wasn't aware of it.  
"I would like that, kiddo." He responded, reaching over slowly and ruffling Lucas' hair.   
Lucas tensed slightly at the hand moving towards him but he didn't flinch and offered the Captain a smile and whispered, "thank you."  
Noyce looked out over the viewscreen and smiled a bit himself. "I'll set it up for you, Lucas. We'll get Nathan temporary custody and then we'll take it from there."  
Nathan sighed in relief as he enfolded Lucas into a hug. "You'll be safe now. I promise you that. I'll never let them hurt you again."  
For a moment, Lucas stood almost in shock at the sheer wonder of it, the new sensation flooding him with warmth like he'd never felt before. Then slowly, his arms came up and the Captain felt him hug him back briefly. Just a moment. But it was a start.   
  
END 


End file.
